Classifieds

The classifieds are great for all sorts of reasons. Hilarity is one of them.

• “Tired of working for only $9.75 per hour? We offer profit sharing and flexible hours. Starting pay: $7 - $9 per hour.”
• “Vacation Special: have your home exterminated.”
• “Wanted. Hunting rifle, suitable for teenagers.”
• “Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.”
• “Mother’s helper — peasant working conditions.”
• “For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.”
• “Government employer looking for candidates. Criminal background required.”
• “Tattoos done while you wait.”
• “We’ll move you worldwide throughout the country.”
• “We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.”
• “Wanted to buy: fishing net, must have no holes.”
• “Stock up and save. Limit: one.”
• “Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale.”
• “Illiterate? Write today for free help.”
• “Wanted: Part-time married girls for soda fountain in sandwich shop.”
• “Shakespeare’s Pizza - Free Chopsticks”